My favorite director is Wes Anderson. Never ask me why, I’ll either say too little or too much. The whimsy, the symmetry, the style, the color palettes, the soundtracks heavily influenced by the 1960s, and the understated yet heartfelt performances speak to me. I understand that it’s polarizing–people tend to either love or hate this director. Whether you reverently meme him or mock him; it would seem we as a society collectively have a nearly morbid obsession with Anderson. I’ve pontificated that only those of us who have felt true, debilitating depression really understand and appreciate Anderson’s movies–but that’s a heavy conversation best saved for another time. For now, let’s do a brief deep dive into his film history. I won’t bore you with synopses of all of his films: but I will tell you what wine to drink with them. You’re welcome.
Bottle Rocket – I’m going to be real with you, while I love Wes Anderson, I don’t really like Bottle Rocket. Some people who aren’t a fan of Anderson’s style (or, rather, see his style as more of a twee affectation than a legitimate style) prefer this early film to his later works. I am not that person. That said, I phoned a friend for help with this pairing. I called upon someone who loves Wes Anderson, perhaps, even more than I do–hard to believe, but true. I posed my question to him of what wine to pair with the film Bottle Rocket. He answered my question with a question of his own, “What would you drink sitting by a pool at a cheap motel in Texas?” I present you with: Rosé IV by Lost Draw Cellars. Rocking in at about $18 a bottle, it’s not the cheapest option, but it certainly won’t break the bank. Drinking this light, fruity pink Texan wine would probably make Bottle Rocket more palatable to me; but I still think it’s a thoughtful pairing for those who are already a fan of this film. If you can’t get your hands on a bottle of this Texan wine, head to your local wine store, grab whatever catches your fancy off the bottom shelf, and drink it without removing the paper bag wrapping–it feels very ‘in the spirit’ of this (cough mediocre-at-best) movie.
Rushmore – Though Herman Blume orders Max a whiskey soda at the ill-fated dinner (they were supposed to be three, not four, but someone invited themselves along) there are near-empty glasses of red wine on the table and a handsome display of fine wines behind where Max is seated. A keen eye will catch that one of the wooden cases of wine reads Far Niente. This is a Napa Valley winery. Perhaps a New World wine is the right pick for this coming-of-age movie about a boy who doesn’t quite fit in at an old-money-school: but it’s his Rushmore and he loves it. A bottle of their Cabernet Sauvignon will cost you several hundred dollars. Surely, this isn’t something Max could have afforded for the table–so, any American Cab Sauv can serve as a ‘safety’ if you can’t quite attain the Sorbonne of wines. I don’t know: this just makes sense to me. I hate to say it, but I really relate to Max as a character and Cabernet Sauvignon feels like that quintessential grown up red wine that a child would order when pretending to be far more grown-up than they truly are. It feels right; though really any tannic red wine would make me happy if paired with this film on the first, crisp autumn day of the year. Tannic red wines are beautiful, complex, (O.R. they?) and invoke a sense of nostalgia in me–just like this film does.
The Royal Tenenbaums – I’ve always wanted to be a Tenenbaum. So, the wine I suggest to pair with the most quintessentially ‘New York’ of all Wes Anderson’s films is Red Tail Ridge Cab Franc. This very dry, but highly acidic Cabernet Franc hails from the New York Finger Lakes and boasts a label featuring a hawk. (Is that you Mordecai? Did you know the original bird was kidnapped, held for ransom during filming, and subsequently replaced–hence the line referencing ‘molting’ in the flick–the more you know.) I’d prefer a glass of this over a butterscotch sundae any day of the week. While this may not carry the same prestige as a Cabernet Franc from the Loire Valley; part of being a Tenenbaum is perhaps being good, but never quite good enough to impress the most refined palettes. I’m not trying to hate. Seriously. No judgment if you love a New York state Cab Franc; I certainly wouldn’t kick these wines out of bed. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. You don’t just have to be secretly in love with it and leave it at that. So, enjoy a glass or, hell, drink the whole bottle if that’s your jam–you can’t be scared of life. You’ve got to brew some recklessness into it.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou – Objectively one of my favorites, if not, my absolute favorite Wes Anderson film. There was a time in my life when I had a Life Aquatic themed bathroom. Why? Well, because it’s a brilliant adventure, mostly at sea, in parody of Jacques Cousteau: what’s not to love? Love, unrequited love, whimsical fictional sea creatures, stylish red beanies, everybody’s favorite grumpy stoner Billy Murray and Zaddy Jeff Goldblum (Please don’t make fun of me. I just wanted to flirt with you), and a heart wrenching helicopter accident set to the tune of The Way I Feel Inside by the Zombies. Oh, did I mention the brilliant Seu Jorge tunes? Given that his presence and masterful crooning of David Bowie songs (but in Portuguese) elevates some of the most cinematic moments of this film: a wine from Portugal seems more than appropriate for this pairing. Do yourself a favor and pair a Vinho Verde from Portugal with this film. I’d suggest white, as opposed to rosé, but you do you and then tell me how that works out for you. For this, I don’t have a particular bottle to suggest because, frankly, I haven’t had the pleasure of drinking enough Vinho Verde to really know exactly what I like best yet. But, I’ll keep trying: and one day I’ll find my favorite bottle. I’m going to find it and I’m going to destroy it.
Hotel Chevalier – This short film should always be consumed prior to watching The Darjeeling Limited. But if you like to make yourself really sad, you can watch it on its own and then have a good cry. Whether in tandem with the movie it ties into or consumed singularly, Hotel Chevalier is beautiful and also will make all the ex-hopeless-romantics of the world want to puke out their feelings. I said what I said. Obviously, this movie is like a sucker punch to the gut for me. If you’ve never loved someone who doesn’t love you back, but shows up in your life repeatedly with no regard for your feelings because they’re selfish and will choose to do whatever is convenient for them, you won’t understand why this short film fucks me up so badly. (Oops. Did we just get really personal? I think we did. I guess we’re friends now.) So, since I have such big feelings surrounding this short film, I’ll offer you two logical pairings: Bloody Maries or a glass of Beaujolais and grilled cheese sandwich. I’ll let you choose whichever feels right for you. Whatever happens. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. (That’s your cue to say, “I promise, I will never be your friend: no matter what.”)
The Darjeeling Limited – While I like this film, it always feels like watching it takes years off my life. It’s such an investment: both literally, in regards to time, and emotionally. (Like…trigger warning: dead children.) I find it best to make this a ‘dinner and a movie’ sort of situation, to help me ease my way through the experience. Fuck the itinerary. I’m telling you what to eat AND drink with this movie. Nothing goes better with this film than a massive bowl of Chicken Tikka Masala and a glass of Merlot. Disagree? Fight me. I’m not backing down on this one.
Fantastic Mr. Fox – Perhaps one of Wes Anderson’s most well-loved works, even among those suffering a Wes Anderson aversion (I’m looking at you local chef and film critic Logan Bushey) pairing cider with this film makes more sense than pairing wine. So, of course, you could go the route of Apple Wine or you could go straight cider. (In the fall, I absolutely consume this movie rapidly and repeatedly while crushing the delicious elixirs that Kekionga Craft Co. creates seasonally–I’m not cussin’ with you, the Monroe Cider in particular is a perfect pairing.) However, I think an underrecognized theme of this film is celebration–of self, of family, of freedom, of life! So, I will suggest the Bridge City Bubbly by Threadbare. This Pittsburgh based company has crafted their first Champagne style cider using 100% gold rush apples. This stuff is really like liquid gold–surely Rat (the rotter) would agree, even with his dying breath. It really is (quote, unquote) fantastic.
Moonrise Kingdom – This is the first Wes Anderson film that I fell in love with in theaters. It was summertime, I was living across the street from a performing arts center and art house cinema, and I went to see this film repeatedly. (And I also worked at the venue, so I could afford to go repeatedly thanks to a sick employee discount.) I took any friend I could convince to go with me. I think I took my mom and grandma, too. I loved this film so much, I wanted everyone to see it. There’s a particular scene that always sticks in my head and makes me giggle; so the wine pairing is technically just for the sake of that scene and how much I love it. It occurs just shortly after Sam and Susie begin their adventure together. Sam is teaching Susie all of the brilliant survival skills he learned in his time as a Khaki Scout because she clearly isn’t a wilderness chick: she’s chosen Sunday School shoes as her proper ‘running away forever’ attire. They pick up pebbles from a creek bed. He has her suck on them, explaining that doing so will cause their mouths to produce saliva, thus quenching their thirst. After he gets this poor girl to put stones in her mouth he reveals with a shrug, “I brought water, too.” Why are boys like this?! So pair this film with Sauvignon Blanc; a wine with the essence of wet stone (a term oft used interchangeably with minerality). Chablis is another wine which typically has this characteristic, if you’re the kind of bird who’d rather have a French wine. What kind of bird are you?
The Grand Budapest Hotel – With this visually stunning masterpiece, drink an Alsace Riesling. These white wines from Alsace, France are drier than their German companions and able to be aged for up to twenty years. Why? Because M. Gustave liked his women rich, old, insecure, vain, superficial, blonde, and needy. I don’t need to say more.
Isle of Dogs – Not my favorite Wes Anderson film, but nevertheless one that tugs at my heartstrings, Isle of Dogs is great to watch while cuddled on the sofa with your favorite canine companion. (Walter seems to enjoy the animation. In terms of attitude: I think he’s sort of a Duke but he sometimes also gives off Chief energy. Like, “I’m not doing this because you commanded me to. I’m doing this because I feel sorry for you.”) But what to drink with this nearly post-apocalyptic animation? Tricky to find, but the perfect pairing if you can make it happen: drink Lucky Dog Sake while watching Wes Anderson’s Isle of Dogs. The pairing is so ideal because it’s basically a Sake (aka Rice Wine) juice box with a cute dog on it. No need to thank me.
The French Dispatch – This film is beautiful and truly genius; though I know not all agree with this sentiment. With diverse stylistic changes throughout the movie, it’s difficult to suggest a singular wine to pair with this flick. Something French seems fitting. We see several different wines appear throughout the various stories told–in fact, there’s so much alcohol featured in this film, Bon Appetit released an entire article on the subject. (It’s a great read so, if this sort of thing interests you, I highly recommend it.) As for pairing a wine with The French Dispatch, I feel like there’s only one right answer. For a French wine that pairs well with a great number of many different things, regardless of style, and is appropriate whether you’re happy, sad, celebrating, or crying–Champagne! Fact: Champagne tastes better when Jarvis Cocker is wailing the song Aline in the background. So, if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, darling, it’s that Champagne is always an appropriate choice. Always.
Asteroid City – I went to the cinema to catch this film on its opening day. I was the second person in the theater for the first showing in my city. Without spoiling the film, I can tell you that it’s the most absurd and chaotic of Anderson’s films thus far–but I’m no film critic, so take my words with several dashes of salt, I suppose. As someone who has revered Anderson for ages, I’m well aware of what people don’t like about his movies. I read an article recently about his latest film that suggests he’s ‘disappeared up on his own ass.’ I counter that Asteroid City is the first of Anderson’s movies to hear the criticism, digest it, and regurgitate it on the nay-sayers. If you think he’s disappeared up his own ass, the joke is on you now–because you were the one looking up his ass. But as for drinks, I can tell you with absolute certainty that you should not pair this movie with bad root beer and movie theater popcorn. (Has it gotten worse? I could barely stomach a handful of popcorn and the stale, chemical-butter taste lingered with me all evening.) Unfortunately, if I’m being entirely honest, this movie also shouldn’t really be paired with wine. I am someone who would like to believe that every movie is a wine movie–but some just simply aren’t that. This is not a wine movie. It’s a flapjacks and black coffee movie. I would even consider an ice cold martini with this movie–but make mine very, very dirty. As for wine–I don’t know, dude. With the intense color palette practically radiating the desert heat through the screen as you watch (or was it that the theater I was in seemed to have no functional air conditioning?) whatever you opt to drink better either be 100% thematically on point or beyond refreshing. Perhaps this is a sangria film. Fruity and refreshing; often masking high contents of alcohol with sugary sweetness. Would you drink sangria in a desert? I might. Especially the one that I had from Bravas–all pink and perfect. Sure. That would fit the aesthetic. That would be the right bevvy of choice for a film where Zaddy Goldblum only has one line: but, sheesh, is he out of this world in this film.
Plonk & Pleasure 
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